I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
