You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
