She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
