After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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