Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
