some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I'm really busy with my period
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