2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
