My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
