Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
