After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
