Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
