you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
