I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
