fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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