Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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