I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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