We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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