I feel great
I just peed on a car
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
