u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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