Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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