I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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