Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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