He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
