I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
