I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
