i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
