I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
