He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
