Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
