He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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