I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
