you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
