Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Everclear isn't food dammit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
