she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
