the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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