Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
