its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
