i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
