it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
