just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
