So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
