I hate all girls vehemently.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
