"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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