she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
