just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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