Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
