I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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