We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
