Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
