Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
