my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
