it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
