I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
